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From Writer to Speaker
As a long-time writer, I appreciate the editing advice of: get rid of all extraneous words until you have just your message and nothing more. To me, this means that every single word that I write (after editing, and editing several more times–like I do in everything that is public or private that I send out) is essential. If it were not essential, it wouldn’t have been left in the final draft. It’s truly that simple.
This brings me to public speaking…
I’ve given lots of talks at this point in my life (I speak on unschooling, homeschooling, publishing, writing, and veganism). While speaking in front of an audience has been stressful, exhilarating, scary, and breathtaking, there is one little hang-up that I’ve kept…
I USE NOTES.
The thought of not using notes makes my heart race, my mouth go dry, and my thoughts just completely disappear. Yes, it frightens me–a lot!
Yet, in part of my determination to thrive this year, I’ve made it a personal goal to become a much better presenter. I want to be a speaker who when people hear me actually have their lives changed for the better–permanently. I want them to be so inspired by my convincing words that they start living a better life. Ask any truly inspiring presenter and they’ll tell you that notes sort of get in the way of this convincing.
How can I reconcile my thoughts from a writing environment where every word is vital to a speaking environment where not only am I going to possibly forget half of what I wanted to say, but I’ll most certainly make up a few things off the cuff? These are the questions I’ve been asking myself. Is every word truly vital?
I recently joined a Toastmasters group in my new area in California. Toastmasters encourages their members to start speaking right away, so I just gave my first talk. The goal of it was a 4-6 minute talk introducing myself to the group. I decided the story behind how I originally started Do Life Right, Inc. would be a good icebreaker since it explains who I am as a person.
Check out the drastic difference between how this talk ended up vs. how I originally wrote it:
DOING LIFE RIGHT (Icebreaker talk for Toastmasters) by Lisa Cottrell-Bentley
Thank you, Toastmaster. Good evening fellow members and guests.
Do you want to live life to its fullest? Do you believe that some ways of living are more correct than others? Do you want to live your life right?
When I was eight, I had a sudden epiphany: IF I DIDN’T LIVE THIS PRECIOUS LIFE THAT I’D BEEN GIVEN TO MY FULLEST POTENTIAL, then I’d have to do the whole thing all over again—yes, I’d have to re-learn (or possibly learn for the very first time) all those lessons that I’d already learned—again. I didn’t want to have to do that.
Knowing this deep in my heart, however, didn’t last long in comparison to the influence my parents, teachers, and family had. You see, I loved to write. I longed to write. I only processed my true feelings through words.
Yet…my parents and teachers didn’t see a career in that. Being born at the tail end of the women’s liberation movement, had my family believing that as a smart female, it was my duty to get an education that would give me a high paying career where I would:
- be able to support myself financially as an independent adult, making me never be dependent upon a husband or other man to support me,
- fulfill me in ways that the older generation of women weren’t able to have, and
- back to the money again—be the first in my family to get a college degree and make as much as males in similar careers did (be a part of the first generation of women to do this), and it had to be an important and technical career.
Since it was a well known fact that authors are almost always a part of the “starving artists” group, my writing was never considered anything more than a cute little hobby. I was good at math and science, and highly encouraged by everyone around me to pursue those subjects, especially as a female. I followed that advice, especially since I did enjoy math, and I received a degree in mathematics when I turned 20.
Before I knew it, my passion for writing was a thing of the past since I had no time to pursue my real interests, only what would put me ahead in life according to others. The only exception being love, and I married when I was 21.
I pursued a career as a computer engineer. A few years later, the calling to have a baby was too strong for me to ignore. Following the advice of my women’s liberation-happy friends, I kept my job when my baby was born. After all, women were now considered equal to men. The thing was, I didn’t love my job and I did love my baby, and my baby certainly considered me the superior choice in helping her with her needs.
This was a big dilemma for me emotionally and financially, and I was re-struck with that epiphany: IF I DIDN’T LIVE THIS PRECIOUS LIFE THAT I’D BEEN GIVEN TO MY FULLEST POTENTIAL, then I’d have to do the whole thing all over again. Was I becoming the person I wanted to be when I followed other people’s advice? Would I be condemned to relearn life lessons if I didn’t follow my heart and the desires of my child?
I immediately knew what I’d tell my daughter if she were the one asking those questions. I’d tell her to be true to herself above all else, ignore those who didn’t understand her life path, and do life right on her terms.
It was clear to me right then that even if I was good at something, it didn’t mean I should do it. Conversely, just because I was bad at something didn’t mean I shouldn’t do it.
I should look inside myself and see what I wanted to do. I should do what I wanted to do!
So, I did.
I quit my computer engineering job, and spent my time pursuing my interests and passions, starting a business, and most importantly, taking care of my daughter. My husband and I didn’t know how the finances would work out for this, but we took that leap, knowing that it was the right path for us.
Fast forward four years and more life-lessons than I could possibly list, and with the birth of my second daughter, my full sense of empowerment came back to me. With it, so did my writing voice. I started writing nearly daily again, both fiction and non-fiction—really pushing my thoughts to their limits and challenging all my preconceptions about life, health, parenting, education, and much more.
This brought me to the same repeating question: Am I doing life right?
The answer was yes in some things and most decidedly not in others. I didn’t want to be destined to repeat those life lessons all over again. I made a vow right then and there to do all of my life right and to continually implement everything new that I learned into who I am as a person.
I felt empowered, truly alive, and excited again. Even more importantly, I started sharing my growing knowledge with others and helping them to do their lives right.
This is when I started my second business. I named this one DO LIFE RIGHT, INC. with the goal of empowering all people to reach their full potentials in life. The name was inspired by my aspiration to do life right. I might not have all the answers, but I had a clear goal.
The business has changed over the years from a consulting business to a publishing company where I publish many authors’ words in addition to my own, yet at every stage I’ve grown the company to suit the needs of both the people I was trying to reach and myself.
It’s a goal of mine to help parents be better parents, to help all humans eat more nutritiously, and to help people feel empowered to make their own right choices. I know firsthand how difficult it can be to do those things, so I was in the ideal position to help.
Will I ever fully do life right? I certainly hope so! I have many goals and dreams for myself. As I tick them off in my life journey, I set out each day to live my life better and better.
As I help more parents in their relationships with their children, I get excited about how empowered they become. I love seeing and meeting people who have found their true right-for-them path, and I’m motivated by them.
While my right path is most certainly not the same one as yours, I hope you’ll consider if you are currently DOING LIFE RIGHT. If so, awesome! If you’re not sure, then think about what gets you excited. Follow those passions and make the absolute most out of every circumstance that life throws your way.
Thank you very much! Mr. Toastmaster.
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