Talk to Strangers -- I dare you not to

"Don't talk to strangers." I hear the parents at the park telling their children again.

I've never said this phrase to my kids. I have, OTOH, modeled talking to strangers thousands of times. Every new person we meet is a stranger. Every waitress, every pilot, every dance class teacher, every other parent in a playgroup, even every doctor we meet for the first time is a stranger... *YOU* are most likely a stranger to me, yet you just might be a person that comes into my life and stays for a very long time. I'm always on the lookout for interesting people. My kids are always on the lookout for people with common interests. If we see a person in a store looking at an item that we are interested in, one of us just might start talking to that person. If we see a family at a park playing on the playground equipment, we almost always say "hi".

I don't believe in "Stranger Danger". I do, however, believe strongly in modeling communication with other people of all ages in front of my children. Part of that includes knowing to trust your instincts. My children and I honor our gut reactions. We don't stay around people that feel dangerous to us, no matter who they are. They know when to hold my hand and when it is safe to run and play. They trust themselves and they trust me. My husband and I trust them. We model not getting ourselves into dangerous situations (we TALK-TALK-TALK about this -- especially when traveling) and most importantly, we model how to get out of dangerous situations as quickly and efficiently as possible. So far, this has always worked quite well.

I should also mention here that we also have never forced our children to hug, kiss, or otherwise show affection or talk to anyone that they weren't comfortable with. Sure this can cause relatives to have hurt feelings, but I would never sacrifice my children's natural instinctive knowledge by forcing them to hug a friend or relative that they didn't want to hug. Forcing someone to do this is very dangerous and makes children start to not trust themselves. Any adult friend or relative that doesn't understand this doesn't need to be around my children. (I always politely explain this philosophy and rarely have had problems once I've explained our reasoning.)

The key point here is an Unschooling point: Our children have never been in a situation without me, my husband, or someone that we ALL trust completely. Some day, sooner than we'd like, our children will be all grown up and on their own. I strongly believe that they'll have to interact with strangers on a regular basis, probably most days of their lives. I want them to gain the knowledge of how to do this safely and politely before they are out on their own. They might even have to talk with strangers on the telephone! It is good that they are watching us, learning how to talk with people now. I'd hate for them to not learn how to talk to people until they turn 18.

Think I am insane and not "protecting" my children? Try reading Gavin De Becker's "Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)" or his "Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence". These books can help parents learn how to relearn how to trust their own natural instincts and how to not squash these instincts out of their children. There is nothing more peaceful than feeling safe.