Homeschool Fiction

I’ve recently been judging a novel writing contest (which I cannot give out any details about, but, of course, it’s a great contest). I’m finding the judging to be loads of fun. I’m reading books that I normally would not read and that is always of great interest to me. I’ve found new favorite writers this way and it always opens up my imagination.

However. Of course there is a however, or why would I be writing this?

However, I’m reminded again at how unrealistic many writers (and people in general) are in regards to romantic relationships. There comes a point in almost any book (where romance is part of the package) where the woman almost inevitably hits the man she is in love with. She sometimes calls it jest, sometimes true anger, sometimes frustration; usually she considers it cutesy and flirtatious. What it boils down to is that there is an accepted double standard in this country (world?) where women are considered the weaker sex and allowed to exhibit this type of immature behavior without repercussions.

This is very wrong! Women should always treat men the way they wish to be treated! Does the Golden Rule not apply to romantic relationships? It should.

Imagine a situation where you think a woman is justified in hitting the man she loves. Now turn it around and imagine that it is the man that did the hitting. Do your feelings on the matter change? Flip it again, imagine a parent hitting their child in that situation. Not good feelings.

Back to the novel judging contest. A lot of the build-up in a romance novel is that there are two people that are wild about each other that, IMO, don’t belong together. While it is the customary belief that “opposites attract”, I strongly know that opposites do not bring out the best in the other and they do not have a long term strong relationship. You have to have common ground, common interests, and most importantly, common beliefs in order to build a stable and secure long term relationship. It is the lack of these core similarities that cause divorce. A marriage can only last on love alone for so long before one or both parties are bored, or worse.

Couples that complement each other is an entirely different matter.

What should you look for in a long term mate? Here are some ideas and situations you should discuss with all people that you are seriously considering having a long term marriage-type relationship with:

1. Common interests. Did you meet at a hiking club because you both enjoy hiking every Saturday, or did you meet at a bar where you found each other physically attractive? Bar pick-ups can work, but only if you click due to your common interests. This interest can’t be “bars and picking up women in them”; your mate won’t appreciate that five years from now!
2. Do you find the other person interesting? Does s/he find you interesting? Do you run out of things to talk about, or could the two of you sit indefinitely and never run out of conversation material?
3. What are your favorite things in the whole world? What are his? If yours is your sewing machine and he can’t stand craft clutter, you’ve got a problem.
4. What things can’t you stand? How about him? Are these going to clash with each other? Hate video games, yet that’s her passion? Can’t stand a messy house and he can’t pick up anything? These things won’t work themselves out. You must talk about them before they become big issues, or your relationship will not work.
5. If you can’t stand it when you are apart from your mate for more than a day and need to spend every evening together and he needs a weekend a month “with the boys”, it’s not going to work.
6. Can you grow together? I am not the same person that married my husband almost 14 years ago. However, he’s not the same man as I married either. We grew and changed together. Through thick and thin, our core beliefs have been molded and refined due to the huge amount of time that we’ve spent together talking. We’ve been committed to having a conversational relationship. Without that, one of us might be in a different stage of life than the other and our relationship wouldn’t be as strong as it is.
7. Imagine your favorite day. Have your potential mate imagine his. Are they similar? If they aren’t, you might not enjoy being together very much a year from now.
8. Are you willing to not get all of your needs met by one person? How much are you willing to compromise? Are you sure? Compromising at the beginning of a relationship is easy. It’s when you grow into believing it isn’t fair that you get angry and resentful. You have to be honest from the start, so that your needs are known. You also have to be willing to know his, too. We all have needs; your mate isn’t responsible for fulfilling all of yours.
9. Do you respect this person? Does he respect you? It’s fine and dandy to date a wide variety of people, but only marry someone (and/or have children with someone) that you truly respect, admire, and love every part of.
10. Do you know who you are now? Spend some time figuring that out before committing to someone else. You don’t want to wake up a year from now realizing that you’ve put yourself into a relationship with a person that you can’t stand simply because you were trying to please others and weren’t clear on who you were and what your feelings were.
11. Babies are cute and the idea of seeing a baby that is half you and half someone gorgeous can be exhilarating. However, think about how that person would be as a parent before you give them a life long commitment this big. Your future children deserve it.
12. Speaking of children, do you have the same philosophy on raising children?
13. How about religion?
14. Politics?
15. Ethics?
16. Food choices?
17. Are you willing to live with someone verbally combative on these topics since they completely think your views are nuts? Gorgeousness isn’t so exciting then.
18. Are you willing to do this premarriage work? If not, maybe you aren’t ready for that big of a commitment. This is nothing to be ashamed of. It just is. Both parties in a relationship need to be on the same page.

Whatever you do, don’t hit your mate. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, and it certainly isn’t romantic.

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• Choose Zen
• Interview with Ginger Carlson, Author of Child of Wonder
• How can I persuade you?
• How to: Have Confidence in Yourself
• What’s the REAL goal with today’s educational systems?

By: Lisa