Homeschool Fiction

Here is the first in my series of “20 Questions for Unschoolers“.  Check back on Wednesdays for more wonderful answers from Unschoolers.  Follow that link and e-mail me your answers if you would like to be spotlighted on this site!  Thanks to all who are participating!  I’ve been really enjoying reading the answers and I know my readers will enjoy reading this information, too.

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DoLifeRight: Tell me a bit about yourself and your family (name, children’s ages, where you live, etc.).

Brianna: I’m Brianna; the mama. Bo is the dad. Nic is the almost 8 year old and Ella is the almost 4 year old. I’m a Tucson native, Bo is a transplant from Chicago. Bo and I met and married when Nic was two.

DoLifeRight: How long have you homeschooled your children?

Brianna: After a couple months in a nice public Kindergarten, we tried school-at-home which was not fun, so he [Nic] did a stint in a small charter school for 1^st grade but that wasn’t right either so we pulled him out and have unschooled since — over a year and a half.

DoLifeRight: Do you consider your family an unschooling family?

Brianna: Yes!

DoLifeRight: What does this mean for your family?

Brianna: Unschooling to us means there is no “should”. There is no list of “supposed to”. We play, explore, laugh a lot, enjoy each other and lo and behold, we learn all sorts of interesting, relevant things along the way. We don’t wait for life to happen to us, we make it happen (or at least that’s the goal).

DoLifeRight: Did you plan to homeschool your children before you actually had children?

Brianna: Nope. I had my son at 17, so there wasn’t a whole lot of planning at that point.

DoLifeRight: What is your own educational background?

Brianna: I got my GED at 17, and then went to the UofA [University of Arizona] for 2 years until I married my husband. I decided I had missed so much of Nic’s baby and toddlerhood already while juggling school and work that it just wasn’t worth it anymore. So, I quit school and worked over-nights so I could pull Nic out of daycare and stay home with him.

DoLifeRight: Why did you decide to not send your children to school?

Brianna: Well, when my sister first told me she was going to homeschool her son, who is a year older than Nic, I thought she was nuts. The more I thought about it I thought it sounded like a great idea. Nic was pre-school aged then and I wanted to get started right away so I actually bought a pre-school in a box curriculum. Much to my surprise and dismay, it was really difficult getting (then 4 year old) Nic to sit still and pay attention. That shook my confidence enough that when I heard the nice public school down the road had half day Kindergarten, we thought that might be best. After a couple months of him getting in trouble for (get ready…) not being able to sit still and pay attention, I started thinking about homeschooling again. We pulled him out and tried school-at-home again, but attempted to make it more fun, as well as get involved with a local group. It still wasn’t enough. The social life wasn’t as fun as the friends he had in school, and the school work was still too boring. The next year he tried a small charter school. While he was attending there I heard about Unschooling and fell in love with the idea. Nic was having problems again so we pulled him out and have unschooled ever since, which was over a year and a half ago.

DoLifeRight: What research did you do to make this decision? Were there any books, magazines, or websites you would recommend new parents (or parents who are new to homeschooling) read?

Brianna: I highly recommend Joyce Fetteroll’s website joyfullyrejoycing.com, as well as Sandra Dodd’s http://sandradodd.com/unschooling.html.  I also loved Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting, which isn’t unschooling exactly, but rocked my parenting world and for me the two are one in the same.

DoLifeRight: Did you consider yourself an “Attachment Parent” when your children were infants? How did this (or didn’t this) affect your choice to unschool your children?

Brianna: I didn’t consider myself an Attachment Parent with Nic. Though looking back on that time, my instincts were definitely pulling me in that direction.  I just wasn’t listening. With Ella, we were definitely Attachment Parents. I never thought specifically about them being related but I can see how they are.

DoLifeRight: What specific benefits to your children (or family as a whole) have you actually seen since you became unschoolers/homeschoolers?

Brianna: Do you have all day? Really, it’s immeasurable. Academically speaking, Nic has gotten his spark back. He had been such a curious kid and that was so squelched by school. It was so awful for him to want to learn about frogs or learn cursive but because that wasn’t the agenda that day, he couldn’t. He definitely had fun learning some things, but all in all it was much more harmful that beneficial. He learned to hate writing and math because of school. Since coming home, he still doesn’t write a lot but when he does it’s so cool because I know it’s internally motivated. He has become much more interested in math. Letting go of worrying about whether he was at grade-level or not was so freeing. Socially, I feel like we saved him from misery. He was having such a hard time because he wanted to be everyone’s friend, but some kids were getting bullied. He would try to defend them but the bullies would turn on him. Being immersed in the playground politics all day every day was quite stressful for him, and me! Extending the unschooling philosophy to our whole life is where the most benefit has come from. Learning to live respectfully with our children has changed who we are as people. I once thought that being a parent meant it was inevitable that your kids would dislike you. “You can’t be your kid’s best friend” mentality. I’ve never been so pleased to be wrong!

DoLifeRight: Do you have a regular schedule in your life?

Brianna: I have a very flexible morning routine and an afternoon/evening routine for house maintenance. The kids are as involved in this as they wish to be on any given day. I use a planner diligently to keep track of outside activities, as well as for making myself to-do lists daily. On Sundays I make a list of projects we want to do the next week and make sure we have all the materials we need for them.

DoLifeRight: How does this work with outside commitments and responsibilities?

Brianna: We aren’t tied to any specific time frames so it works well. The kids and I go to bed when we’re tired and get up when we’re well rested. We only add things to our schedule that we want to do so there really isn’t a struggle.

DoLifeRight: How important have support groups been for you? Do you have online ones, in person ones, or a mixture? Please list any you want to share.

Brianna: We are involved with a local Homeschool group which is a great resource for field trips and activities, but we haven’t made a lot of personal connections there. Our local Unschooling group is amazing. I joined looking for social opportunities for the kids and was so pleasantly surprised to find moms that I hit it off with as well. It has been very important to both of us. Nic is so outgoing and needs a lot of friend interaction and for me to have local moms to relate to and share this journey with has proved invaluable.

DoLifeRight: What resources do you use for your children’s “educations”? Feel free to comment on the word “education”.

Brianna: We learn about life and people and the world and relationships all the time through play, watching TV and movies, going for walks, talking, reading, and laughing. I can’t even begin to keep track of everything we’re learning. Some things look very ‘academic’ and some don’t. We love figuring out how things work and how things came to be. We tend to gravitate towards science and animal related things. The most used resource would be the Internet. Nic and I use Wikipedia, Google, and YouTube daily. I shop the used book stores and library sales so we have a nice little non-fiction collection of books to turn to when the mood or need strikes. We go to the library weekly for picture books and movies. We have a Netflix membership. We also have cable so we can enjoy the programs on the networks like Discovery Channel, National Geographic, Animal Planet, and History Channel in addition to our cartoons! We also get out into our community all the time attending classes, performances, festivals, cultural events and anything fun I can find. We have a This Day in History calendar. We have maps on the wall, lots of computer and board games, a nature/seasonal table and a craft closet full of supplies. We have a shelf in the living room that I keep stocked with a rotating assortment of games, science kits, books, our microscope and other activities. We walk to the park down the street frequently and that always leads to some sort of interesting conversation/exploration.

Because of our blended family situation with Nic’s bio-dad, I feel the need to document our discoveries a little more than I would if we didn’t have that added consideration. I strongly believe though that unless you were locked in a closet your whole childhood, that it’s pretty impossible to live life and NOT learn all the basic things needed to function. I think that schools make the dire mistake of insisting that kids get a mediocre base level education in a million different areas instead letting kids skim things they aren’t at all interested in order to delve deep into the things they are interested in.

DoLifeRight: How did your friends and families react when you told them your children wouldn’t be going to school? Have their opinions changed over the years?

Brianna: Since my sister was homeschooling her son, my folks were already warmed up to the idea. My mother homeschooled my two older sisters for a while when they were both early elementary age so the idea wasn’t too crazy for them. My husband’s family seemed somewhat skeptical at first, but over time my mother-in-law especially has become our biggest supporter.

DoLifeRight: What have been the benefits (unexpected and expected) to homeschooling?

Brianna: All our time is “recess”. Through learning to honor our kids, we’ve also learned to honor ourselves.

DoLifeRight: How does your family make money?

Brianna: My husband works full-time outside the home as the General Manager for a promotional products distributor.

DoLifeRight: Do you have a job?

Brianna: I have worked part-time on and off throughout the years, but currently I’m not.

DoLifeRight: Full-time or part-time or something in between? Can you tell us about your choices and how you made these decisions?

Brianna: We are in the process of working towards passive income, still exploring the options. Right now we are content with our situation but would like to find ways for us to be together more.

DoLifeRight: How have *you* personally grown since you started unschooling your children? How has your relationship with your spouse/partner grown?

Brianna: My personal development through unschooling has also been amazing. I have been able to identify, work through and heal a lot of my own issues in the process of living an unschooled life. I have learned about the power of choice and owning one’s choices. I’ve learned to continually work on opening my mind and re-evaluate my thoughts about things. I’ve gotten back to a place of curiosity about the world and learning, which was damaged by compulsory school. I’ve gained so much confidence and learned that I am capable of much more than I ever thought. My relationship with my husband is wonderful, I think a lot in part because of unschooling. We are, of course, a work in progress, but growing closer every day by extending the same unschooling foundations to each other.

DoLifeRight: Are you able to find time to have your own hobbies, interests, and friends?

Brianna: Absolutely. Even though we spend almost all of our time together, staying up late and sleeping in together, I’m still able to explore my own interests daily. I’m often able to share my interests with the kids so it can become something we do together. I definitely don’t feel like I’m lacking “me” time. I do something for myself every day, which can mean something as simple and quick as popping on my iPod and listening to a couple songs while I put laundry away or just a quick journal entry or drawing at the counter while making dinner. My husband is home in the evenings, so I’m often able to go out to the craft or thrift store by myself, or dive deeper into a project since he’s usually getting his time with the kids in then. We mostly spend our evenings together as a family though.

DoLifeRight: Beyond your children (of course), what are your interests?

Brianna: I’m a music nut. I love listening to music and dancing at home as well as making time to see live concerts as frequently as possible. I also enjoy lots of crafting including sewing, art journaling, drawing, beading and painting. I love reading, but I don’t seem to make the time for books as often as I do for reading blogs. I’ve recently begun writing as well. One of my favorite things is watching Animal/Nature documentaries with the family. We started our first garden this year. I love being outdoors and love trying new things. Bo is a golfer, though he mostly uses the driving range these days. He follows a lot of sports. He also enjoys music, reading and shows about the Universe. He has recently tried wood carving. He has taught himself a lot of web design and graphic design.

DoLifeRight: How do you respond to other people’s questions about the following: completeness of education, socialization, college plans, etc.?

Brianna: I really haven’t encountered that many questions from outsiders, at least not enough to have a standard answer.

DoLifeRight: Do you give different answers to different people? Why?

Brianna: Typically if the person seems to have a critical tone, or seems like homeschooling is a really outside idea to them, I either don’t answer or give non-specific answers. If the person seems genuinely interested and I feel like exposing them to this great lifestyle, then I will give a little more detail.

DoLifeRight: If you have more than one child, how do you handle their different interests and desires? If you have one child, how do you handle his/her desires to be with other children? How do you reconcile these interests with your own?

Brianna: Nic is incredibly social and outgoing. I knew when he decided to come out of school that I needed to meet that need and if I couldn’t, this wasn’t going to work. I have struggled with my own social anxiety for years, but I wanted him home badly enough that I was willing to push through my fears. I started attending our two local groups and thankfully, the women in the unschooling group made the social part easy on me. Ella, on the other hand, struggles with crowds and noise and generally would prefer not to leave the house. Balancing the two has been somewhat challenging. There was a long stretch where Nic really wanted to go somewhere and do something every. single. day. I managed this by a combination of planning evening things that I could do on my own with Nic, having him go to friends’ houses or having friends over to our house, asking a friend to take Nic along with them to activities so I could stay home with Ella, or just packing up a whole bunch of toys , activities and the portable DVD player so that Ella would have plenty to do. She also likes to hang out in the van, so usually she’s OK with doing that while Nic plays at the park.

As far as reconciling their interests with my own, that has been quite a process. I was adamantly against plastic toys, made in china toys, toy weapons and the typical Barbie and Bratz type toys when we started the unschooling process. I finally came to a place where I realized that I could have my own ideals and let them develop their own. I realized that accepting and loving my kids for who they are was so much more important than making sure they are living my own ideals.

DoLifeRight: What are the biggest issues you are currently having, or have ever had in regards to parenting and/or unschooling?

Brianna: The education part is easy. My biggest struggles have been about video games, TV, and food. I’ve completely gotten over the video game and TV issues. Sometimes food issues rear their head, but I’m mostly over that as well. I also struggled with going too far “hands-off” when trying to figure things out. Letting my daughter potty-learn in her own time has been frustrating, but we’re maintaining patience so far. In general, remaining flexible all the time as we transition through new things is something we have to work at, but I feel like right now I have a good grasp on things.

DoLifeRight: Any regrets? We want to hear the good and the bad! This is the best way to make informed decisions.

Brianna: I don’t have room in my life for regret. I feel sad about some of the decisions we made BEFORE we were unschoolers, but that was all part of our journey and I’m OK with it. I don’t regret anything about unschooling or parenting this way, it’s all been positive. It hasn’t all been easy, but ultimately positive.

DoLifeRight: Do you have any websites, yahoo lists, etc. that you run or maintain? Please list them here with descriptions.

Brianna: This is our family blog:  Serendipity Mama.  [Check it out for more amazing photos and great descriptions about Brianna's family and their day-to-day life together.]

DoLifeRight: Any last thoughts or advice for DoLifeRight’s readers?

Brianna: My best advice is to try making all decisions from a place of respect and trust instead of fear. Parents have so much baggage that their kids end up carrying for them. I think if parents put more effort into healing their own issues, their kids would have a better chance at being independent, confident, free thinkers and decision makers. Decision making is a skill that needs to be practiced and kids need to be given opportunities for that.

DoLifeRight:  Thanks, Brianna!

Related Articles:

• 20 Unschooling Questions: Teresa from Tucson, AZ, USA
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Liz from Tucson, AZ, USA
• Be Questioned: 20 Questions for Unschoolers
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Shari from CA, USA
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Kara from Somers Point, NJ

By: Lisa