Homeschool Fiction

Click here for more “20 Questions Answers from Unschoolers” around the world.

DoLifeRight: Tell me a bit about yourself and your family (name, children’s ages, where you live, etc.).

Shari: My name is Shari and my dh and I have one son who is 14. We live in Clovis, CA, a suburb of Fresno in the Central Valley in CA. Our neighborhood is on the outskirts of town, so almost in the country. I am and have always been a stay at home mom, my husband is full time employed and always has been.

DoLifeRight: How long have you homeschooled your children? Do you consider your family an unschooling family? What does this mean for your family?

Shari: We began homeschooling mid-way through my son’s fifth grade year because he was miserable in the classroom.  He did well from K to 5th with boredom being his chief complaint.  He loved the social aspects of school and I was an active volunteer (at school 2, 3 sometimes 5 days a week!) and we lived blocks from the school.  We are trying to become an unschooling family and our son would be in the 8th grade if he were still in school.  I was diagnosed with a condition that required disabling surgery last April and we became overnight unschoolers because I could in no way be responsible for my son’s care due to the pain and mobility issues following surgery.  I am almost fully recovered and it is harder to be completely unschooling now than it was when I was bed ridden and heavily medicated!  ; )

For our family, unschooling means allowing our son to set his own course from day to day.  To determine what he wants to do, how he wants to do it, what he wants to learn, and so on. We do offer input and we facilitate anything he is interested in with supplies, assistance, lessons, books, etc.  We do require a few household chores which have become more flexible as I have recovered more.  And I do require daily showering most days!  ; )

DoLifeRight: Did you plan to homeschool your children before you actually had children? What is your own educational background?

Shari: No, I only considered homeschooling briefly the summer before my son was to start K (2000) because California was deciding whether or not to do class size reduction bringing the class from 33 kids to 1 teacher down to 20 to 1.   Looking back, even 20 to 1 was insane!  They passed the law, my son had 20 children in his class but had a wonderful teacher with a great assistant and lots of mom volunteers.  He had a wonderful year, but first grade was a struggle because it was all day instead of 3 hours.  My background is K to 12th in a traditional school and then traditional college.  I am currently enrolled in online correspondence courses.

DoLifeRight: Why did you decide to not send your children to school? What research did you do to make this decision? Were there any books, magazines, or websites you would recommend new parents (or parents who are new to homeschooling) to read?

Shari: I did some research in 2000 before he started K, but not a lot.  When we pulled him out in 5th grade, he was under the public school’s independent study program until just after 6th grade began.  I did buy a lot of homeschooling books after we pulled him, as well as books for curriculum, classics in literature, textbooks, etc.  I joined the two statewide homeschool organizations, subscribed to Home Education Magazine, volunteered extensively for one of the state groups.  I would recommend the state groups (HSC and CHN) in California to get an idea about ALL that is available out there.

DoLifeRight: Did you consider yourself an “Attachment Parent” when your children were infants? How did this (or didn’t this) affect your choice to unschool/homeschool your children?

Shari: We were definitely AP parents, even though we never knew that term!  We had let our son sleep with us until he wanted to sleep on his own with one of us in the room until he dozed off.  We did child led bathroom training, extended nursing, baby wearing, always focused on meeting our sons needs in a peaceful, calm way.  We were raising him in the 90s so it was a different climate than now.  We just didn’t talk about some issues with our mainstream friends (some thought it was awful to continue breastfeeding past one or having a baby in your bed).  The way we parented as a baby effected our decision about homeschooling in that when we saw our son was unhappy we found a way to correct that. Every step of the way with him we have looked to him as our guide and his happiness as the indicator that we are on the right path.

DoLifeRight: What specific benefits to your children (or family as a whole) have you actually seen since you became unschoolers/homeschoolers?

Shari: We have so much more flexibility with our time and schedules. We no longer have the homework battle.  Weekends are not sucked up with pointless projects.  The majority of our friends are now homeschoolers/unschoolers as well, as we find we connect better with these families than more traditionally schooled kids and families.  My son does have close friends that he has known for years that are still in public school and they wish they were homeschooled!  I also see my son is an independent thinker, a leader, not easily influenced by peers.  I think he is more rooted in his family than being swayed by other kids. And of course he is learning about things that do interest him vs. a boxed curriculum which he had for many years.

DoLifeRight: Do you have a regular schedule in your life? How does this work with outside commitments and responsibilities?

Shari: Not really.  Some days we have activities we participate in so we have to be places at a certain time but for the most part our time is very fluid.  My son stays up late and I usually do as well.  We spend time with my hubby/son’s dad in the evening when he gets home.  The only time I see a conflict is when we have early morning appointments, it can be a struggle, so we try to get afternoon appointments!  My son has skipped activities he was interested in because they started too early.  Ironic as he had be wake at 7 am for years for school!  I have had moms of older homeschoolers tell me they all go through this as teens and then when getting up early becomes a necessity for an activity, job, classes, whatever, they rise to the challenge.

DoLifeRight: How important have support groups been for you? Do you have online ones, in person ones, or a mixture? Please list any you want to share.

Shari: I have found that the state homeschool support groups were immensely helpful when we first began to homeschool.  It was great to have so many to get help from and support.  Then we moved and we found a wonderful real life group of homeschoolers to be involved with - park days, lots of activities, email lists, they really enrich our lives and comprise most of our social life.  I cannot imagine our lives here now without the wonderful people we have met through local park days and the groups of homeschoolers that attend.  I also belong to a couple of unschooling lists that are supportive and help me grow, learn, question.  But I don’t know most of those folks in real life.

DoLifeRight: What resources do you use for your children’s “educations”? Feel free to comment on the word “education”.

Shari: At this point, whatever he is interested in.  Books, magazines, tv, movies, video games, computer games, wikipedia, the internet, whatever.  I think education takes on a new meaning as unschoolers - my son sort of IS his education!  It is something he does instead of it being done to him! So I let him lead in whatever direction he chooses and provide whatever resources he wants/needs.  He has had various lessons over the years, as well as classes and field trips.

DoLifeRight: How did your friends and families react when you told them your children wouldn’t be going to school? Have their opinions changed over the years?

Shari: I think everyone was surprised as he had attended school for nearly 6 years.  The grandparents and aunts and uncles all seemed somewhat concerned and even disapproving.  Now that they see how well he is doing and how much he is learning naturally, they are impressed and say it is great!  My dad is actually very proud to have a homeschooled grandson and had an opportunity to meet many of our friends at a recent birthday party and said he couldn’t pick a nicer  group of families for us!  : )

DoLifeRight: What have been the benefits (unexpected and expected) to homeschooling?

Shari: The expected benefits were that our son’s anxiety induced physical problems were alleviated in a matter of weeks.  The unexpected benefits are numerous and many are mentioned in other questions.  Overall, the biggest thing we have gained that I would not have thought of is the closeness between my son and I from spending almost every day together, at least part of the day.  We are very connected and I don’t think we would have this connection if he were gone 7 - 8 hours a day to school.  We would lose some of the closeness.  It has also allowed our son to be very selective about what he wants to do and who he wants to hang out with - there is not near the kind of peer pressure that our schooled friends’ children go through.

DoLifeRight: How does your family make money? Do you have a job? Full-time or part-time or something in between? Can you tell us about your choices and how you made these decisions?

Shari: I have always been a stay at home mom since my son was born and my husband has always had a full time, well established career.  We agreed before our son was born we wanted him to have me home.  I am now looking into continuing my education with the intention of eventually entering the work force again.

DoLifeRight: How have *you* personally grown since you started unschooling/homeschooling your children? How has your relationship with your spouse/partner grown?

Shari: I have grown tremendously!  Partly as the result of homeschooling, partly because of the kinds of people we have in our lives that are other homeschooling families and partly because of other life experiences that have occurred in conjunction with homeschooling.  It was a defining decision in our life and has improved everything in our lives.  My husband and I are more connected than before because our son is less demanding on my time in the evenings and we have more time together as a family connecting vs. me trying to meet all the homework, sports practice, get a meal and shower shoved in schedule we faced during traditional school.

DoLifeRight: Are you able to find time to have your own hobbies, interests, and friends? Beyond your children (of course), what are your interests?

Shari: Oh yes, I have more than enough time for my hobbies, interests and friends and often my son is part of those.  I love art and to paint and he now shares that past time with me.  I am an avid reader, as well.  I enjoy connecting with friends in person frequently and that works great with the social structure we have in our lives where families get together with families - parents connect, the children connect, and also the parents and children have a chance to interact with other children and adults so it is a great experience.  I have also learned a lot from my son’s interests, he shares a lot.

DoLifeRight: How do you respond to other people’s questions about the following: completeness of education, socialization, college plans, etc.? Do you give different answers to different people? Why?

Shari: I used to be more worried about these questions.  No one that meets my son ever asks about socialization and it is obvious that he is bright so the questions about college are when will he start and where does he want to go, what does he want to major in.  We answer truthfully - he will start at the local community or state college, he wants to learn computer programming at this point.  When he is ready to move onto another university, we will figure that out.  There are SO many options for getting into college beyond the traditional get a high school diploma, be admitted as a freshman based on an application with SATs and transcript.  Our son has not limitations, he actually has more options because of being homeschooled.

DoLifeRight: How do you handle your son’s desires to be with other children? How do you reconcile these interests with your own?

Shari: We have one child, but from what I have seen with the friends I have with two to eight children they homeschool, they manage to meet everyone’s needs to a certain degree.  Sometimes compromises are made, but it doesn’t appear any of the children are missing out on the things that really matter to them.  There is such a great network among these families that they often support one another in sharing carpooling, teaching subjects, planning activities, etc.

I do have one child and he sees friends whenever he wants to pretty much.  We have regular weekly activities and the rest of the time we just make plans to get together with friends.  I have always found that it is easy for me to connect with other moms so am fine with taking my son to various places.  His interests have always been the driving force in what we do!

DoLifeRight: What are the biggest issues you are currently having, or have ever had in regards to parenting and/or homeschooling/unschooling?

Shari: I would say my greatest issue has been related to health issues and those have all pretty much resolved since homeschooling!  My biggest issue with unschooling is probably negative digs I get from other parents that don’t understand what we are doing or why and think I am spoiling my son or not preparing him for “real life”.  He is LIVING real life, everyday!

DoLifeRight: Any regrets? We want to hear the good and the bad! This is the best way to make informed decisions.

Shari: I regret that we didn’t come to the decision to homeschool the very first time our son had an issue with public school which was when he was in first grade and was very bored and found the days too long.  His health issues began gradually that year and grew over the following years to one degree or another.  I regret we didn’t trust from the very beginning that he would always know what he needed if we just followed his lead.

DoLifeRight: Any last thoughts or advice for DoLifeRight’s readers?

Shari: Trust your children!  They know instinctively what they need and when and if you follow their lead from the beginning, without any artificial restrictions or forcing any instruction, they will naturally learn to read, write, do math, understand a variety of subjects, learn all kinds of skills.  This is the way the majority of the world’s children learned until the industrial revolution and the need for a manageable work force made public schools a necessity once child labor laws were in place!

Related Articles:

• Be Questioned: 20 Questions for Unschoolers
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Sandra Dodd from NM, USA
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Sylvia from NM, USA
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Idzie from Montreal, QC, Canada
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Jeanine from GA, USA

By: Lisa