Homeschool Fiction

Click here for more “20 Questions Answers from Unschoolers” around the world. If you’d like to answer these questions yourself, please read this post.

———————–

DoLifeRight: Tell me a bit about yourself and your family (name, children’s ages, where you live, etc.):

Teresa: I am Teresa Graham Brett. I share my life with Rob, Martel (7) and Greyson (2). We live in Tucson in the beautiful Sonoran desert.

DoLifeRight: How long have you homeschooled your children? Do you consider your family an unschooling family? What does this mean for your family?

Teresa: Martel has never gone to school and we have been radically unschooling since he was 5 ½ years old. At a fundamental level, unschooling for us is about trust and respect. I have learned, and am still learning, to trust my children (and myself) and to respect their right to self-determination and self-control. We have applied unschooling to all aspects of our lives with amazing results for our oldest. Our youngest son has benefited from our learning about unschooling when he was a baby. Although they have not lived the number of years I have, my children (and all children) have an innate wisdom and sense of who they are. Trusting their wisdom and sense of self has helped me to reconnect to my own wisdom and power and move beyond fear to live a more connected life. I also believe that creating freedom in our family is the first step in creating social change in the world, an important part of the “radical” aspect of unschooling for me.

DoLifeRight: Did you plan to homeschool your children before you actually had children? What is your own educational background?

Teresa: I was successful in institutionalized education. I did well academically and socially throughout my public school experiences and went on to get a bachelor’s degree in history and asian studies, and then earned a juris doctor. I then went on to work as an administrator at three public universities. Because I was not sure until my mid-30’s whether I wanted to have children, I did not think much about their potential educational process. Once I decided I wanted a child, I began to read and research all of our options. I think we probably decided to homeschool while Martel was in the womb or soon after his birth. Part of this had to do with Rob’s negative experiences in school and although I was successful, I felt as though I spent many of my adult years trying to overcome the loss of my true self that occurred through the institutionalized educational process.

DoLifeRight: Why did you decide to not send your children to school? What research did you do to make this decision? Were there any books, magazines, or websites you would recommend new parents (or parents who are new to homeschooling) read?

Teresa: Some of my answers to this question are above. Books that influenced me tremendously were Magical Child, The Continuum Concept, Unconditional Parenting, writings by John Holt and John Taylor Gatto (especially The Underground History of American Education), I spent a lot of time on the Natural Child Project website as well as Sandra Dodd’s and Joyce Fetteroll’s websites. In addition, my approach to unschooling and the social change process have been influenced heavily by Paulo Freire, who wrote Pedagogy of the Oppressed and A Pedagogy for Liberation, and by my work with intergroup dialogue at the University of Michigan and subsequently at the University of Texas at Austin.

DoLifeRight: Did you consider yourself an “Attachment Parent” when your children were infants? How did this (or didn’t this) affect your choice to unschool/homeschool your children?

Teresa: We are attachment parents to both Martel and Greyson and unschooling seemed to be a natural progression from that philosophy. One challenge for me was that I was also very much into natural living for the entire family. Eating organic, no white sugar, avoiding processed foods. I did find myself struggling with the ideal of natural living and letting go of control issues as it related to food. I now make the choice for myself to eat in particular ways, but I try not to impose that onto the rest of the family.

DoLifeRight: What specific benefits to your children (or family as a whole) have you actually seen since you became unschoolers/homeschoolers?

Teresa: Since we began radical unschooling, Martel has flourished. He has reclaimed his freedom and become a child who loves life. When I controlled many aspects of his life (media, food, bedtime) he was angry and frustrated. His health suffered. This does not mean he is happy every day or that he doesn’t argue with his little brother, or cry. But, radical unschooling has opened him up tremendously and created a greater connection between all of us.

DoLifeRight: Do you have a regular schedule in your life? How does this work with outside commitments and responsibilities?

Teresa: Our life is very flexible except for a few scheduled activities a week. I am able to work at home on a flexible schedule and this allows us to be spontaneous by either staying at home when we need to or by going out.

DoLifeRight: How important have support groups been for you? Do you have online ones, in person ones, or a mixture? Please list any you want to share.

Teresa: I think support and connection when creating change in your life is incredibly important. I don’t think I would have gotten as far as quickly as I have without on-line support and the support of local unschoolers. The most important have been our local unschooling group, SOARing Unschoolers, as well as the yahoo groups Radical Unschooling with the Law of Attraction and the Heart of Unschooling.

DoLifeRight: What resources do you use for your children’s “educations”? Feel free to comment on the word “education”.

Teresa: Our resources for learning are life. I feel like we are all learning all the time. Material, tangible resources have included the internet, computers, tv, dvds, video games, books, other people, museums, libraries.

I don’t think I have ever used the word education to refer to the process of unschooling or learning from life. Having spent more than half of my life in “higher education”, I tend to associate the word with institutionalized and bureaucratized education.

DoLifeRight: How did your friends and families react when you told them your children wouldn’t be going to school? Have their opinions changed over the years?

Teresa: When I told my colleagues while I was dean of students at UT-Austin that we would be homeschooling, there was clearly some incredulity that I would be rejecting institutionalized education. Some of our family had questions about how our children would learn and what and how we would teach them. These came mostly in the beginning of unschooling. The fact that Martel learned to read on his own and is adept at math (from video games and asking questions!) seems to have quieted the questions.

DoLifeRight: What have been the benefits (unexpected and expected) to homeschooling?

Teresa: We have come to realize how much we like to be together as a family. We can travel and go places when other families are dealing with school. We are closer and there is more respect and trust within our family as a result of radical unschooling. When I was first exploring homeschooling and unschooling, I never expected our lives to change so much for the better. I thought it was merely a choice about education, not about improving our lives.

DoLifeRight: How does your family make money? Do you have a job? Full-time or part-time or something in between? Can you tell us about your choices and how you made these decisions?

Teresa: I left my (more than) full-time position in university administration over three years ago and work part-time consulting for universities. Rob does woodworking and other projects to make some income as well. We are also pursuing other income streams and opportunities that will allow us to continue to spend as much time with our children. I made my decision to leave my career because I was miserable working 50-70 hours a week and being on-call. I missed the first four years of Martel’s life. There was incongruence between my espoused values (family) and the reality of that career. My goal is to never trade this freedom for a full-time job working for some else.

DoLifeRight: How have *you* personally grown since you started unschooling/homeschooling your children? How has your relationship with your spouse/partner grown?

Teresa: I could write a book about this (maybe I will!). Radical unschooling has forced me to face my fears and work to heal my past. I could see the kind of parent I wanted to be and I was far from that kind of parent. In fact, it was really about the kind of person I wanted to be. When we started unschooling, it was at first about trusting Martel and seeing him learn and grow at his own pace and under his own power with the support and facilitation of Rob and I. As he flourished, I saw what I did not have as a child.

The life I experienced as a child was not just about how my parents treated me. It was also about the institutions and structures in our broader society that give privilege and power to adults and disempower and dismiss children. I was able to connect to the work I had done in universities around social justice and see that I had recreated those same power dynamics with Martel and Greyson that I had experienced as a child. I feel as though the last two years have been about me seeing what it means to have children matter and adults respect children for who they are (not what they will become as adults). I have had a lot of great models for this around me.

I feel as though I have reconnected to my own voice and power in a way that does not disempower children or others around me. Of course, I am a work in progress. I am on a journey and I am nowhere near the end of this journey. I have come to see my goal not as being a perfect parent or a perfect life, but one where I am continuing to grow, learn, and move beyond my earlier socialization.

DoLifeRight: Are you able to find time to have your own hobbies, interests, and friends? Beyond your children (of course), what are your interests?

Teresa: I am just now able to pursue some of my interests as Greyson gets a bit older. I see friends occasionally. Read and pursue interests on-line. I take in an occasional movie. Most recently I have been passionate about launching my website (see #19 below) and have been writing and revising some of writings from the last two years.

DoLifeRight: How do you respond to other people’s questions about the following: completeness of education, socialization, college plans, etc.? Do you give different answers to different people? Why?

Teresa: It seems that the more confidence I have in our decision, the less those questions come up. When they do, I try and describe our life in terms that I think each individual will understand and accept given the context in which I am interacting with them or know them. My goal is not to convert anyone to our way of life, but to describe it in ways that create understanding. As Martel has gotten older, he is his own ambassador for unschooling.

DoLifeRight: If you have more than one child, how do you handle their different interests and desires? If you have one child, how do you handle his/her desires to be with other children? How do you reconcile these interests with your own?

Teresa: We are very fortunate to both work from home and this allows Rob and I to accommodate the needs and desires of both children. Of course, there are inevitable times when their needs and desires are in conflict. Often both boys want to have me and I need to balance those. Since Greyson is only 2 1/2, it is not until recently that I have been able to pursue much of my own interests. He and Martel still need and want me a lot, but Martel is better able to understand when I say that I need time by myself. Greyson does not understand this yet, but with Rob here, we are able to tag team and try to get enough time for each parent to regenerate.

DoLifeRight: What are the biggest issues you are currently having, or have ever had in regards to parenting and/or homeschooling/unschooling?

Teresa: The issues that I face have to do with my own socialization as a child and an adult about how children should be treated in our society. I am continually trying to unlearn adultism and the belief that children should be controlled and dominated by the adults around them. When there is conflict between myself and Martel or Greyson, it is usually because I am bumping up against this socialization. Since I spent the first 42 years of my life being indoctrinated and accepting many aspects of this dominant paradigm (with the exception of attachment parenting), I feel I have many years to go in my learning and unlearning process.

DoLifeRight: Any regrets? We want to hear the good and the bad! This is the best way to make informed decisions.

Teresa: I have no regrets. The journey into radical unschooling has been one of the most important I have ever done and the most challenging personally. I have grown more than I could ever imagine and I would never want to go back to my old way of living.

DoLifeRight: Do you have any websites, yahoo lists, etc. that you run or maintain? Please list them here with descriptions.

Teresa: http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/

My website combines my passion for social change and social justice with parenting. The premise behind my writing on the website is that the dominant parenting paradigm creates the foundation for inequity and injustice in our society. When we disempower children through control and domination, we teach them to do the same with others as they grow.

DoLifeRight: Any last thoughts or advice for DoLifeRight’s readers?

Teresa: Thanks Lisa for this opportunity to reflect and write about our radical unschooling path!

Related Articles:

• 20 Unschooling Questions: Liz from Tucson, AZ, USA
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Nikki from Hollis, ME, USA
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Brianna from Tucson, AZ, USA
• Be Questioned: 20 Questions for Unschoolers
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Candy from Atlanta, GA, USA

By: Lisa