Homeschool Fiction

This week’s 20 Questions is a real treat!  It’s the first time I’ve had a Dad answer the questions (hint, hint to other Pops out there).  The perspective is definitely uniquely wonderful.  I had a blast reading these answers and I’m sure you will, too.  Please note that I edited it to keep the G rating of this site, but Frank’s personality still shines through (check out the photos, too — wow)!  I want to go on this family’s adventures!  Enjoy! 

Click here for more “20 Questions Answers from Unschoolers” around the world. If you’d like to answer these questions yourself, please read this post.

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DoLifeRight: Tell me a bit about yourself and your family (name, children’s ages, where you live, etc.):

Frank: I’m Frank, my wife is Ronnie, and we have two daughters, MJ almost-17 and Chloe 15. We live in a bedroom community of Seattle, WA (Everett). More info disclosed in the subsequent questions.

DoLifeRight: How long have you homeschooled your children? Do you consider your family an unschooling family? What does this mean for your family?

Frank: They were in public school until 3rd and 4th grades, respectively. We’ve been unschooling since then. Radically unschooling, in the most common usage of that label. We don’t just unschool as an educational philosophy, we unschool as a weltanschauung.

DoLifeRight: Did you plan to homeschool your children before you actually had children? What is your own educational background?

Frank: My wife and I were thoroughly educated in the typical American usage of that word; we both attended college on National Merit scholarships, so we clearly know how to play the education game. I have a degree in Secondary Education. We discussed all the manifold variants of educational philosophy before our first was born. Ultimately, we decided to give the public school system a try, knowing that we could simply pull them out at any time if we wanted/needed to, and planning to homeschool by/for middle school in any case, even if their grammar school experience was acceptable.

DoLifeRight: Why did you decide to not send your children to school? What research did you do to make this decision? Were there any books, magazines, or websites you would recommend new parents (or parents who are new to homeschooling) read?

Frank: Ronnie and I had different school experiences but they were both unsatisfying. I had read and studied most educational philosophies while working toward my degree in secondary education and Holt spoke to my intuition about learning and schooling. Ronnie connected online with the early generation of unschoolers and came to her own intuition about unschooling. My recommendation would be to read Holt. Sandra Dodd has a good collection of info and links on her website (She even quoted me on the “dads” page once, so it must be an informative site! *grin*):

DoLifeRight: Did you consider yourself an “Attachment Parent” when your children were infants? How did this (or didn’t this) affect your choice to unschool/homeschool your children?

Frank: We didn’t know of that label until after our kids were older but we essentially followed the AP path. The two are similar at their roots so it makes sense that AP would feed into unschooling.

DoLifeRight: What specific benefits to your children (or family as a whole) have you actually seen since you became unschoolers/homeschoolers?

Frank: This is a question where my answer could drone on and on forever; however, I can reduce it to a simple statement: time and connection. We all have time to simply think and to pursue interests plus we are free to make a wide variety of real-world connections, not just the same-age, narrow-focus connections available in a brick-and-mortar school setting.

DoLifeRight: Do you have a regular schedule in your life? How does this work with outside commitments and responsibilities?

Frank: When one of us is working, we’re limited to the workweek cycle for activities as a complete family. Of course, the parent who isn’t working is free to pursue non-limited activities with the kids. Also, now that the girls are older, they more frequently are off pursuing their own interests and activities, independent of the unified family group.

DoLifeRight: How important have support groups been for you? Do you have online ones, in person ones, or a mixture? Please list any you want to share.

Frank: Tough question for me, personally. Ronnie has always relied on her online pals and, more recently, real-life pals as a support group or sounding board. I’m more of a loner at root and have been swimming against the current most of my life and was used to that mode. In the early 60s I was a privileged White male who acted for Civil Rights. I went to a money & power prep school but found the philosophy there distasteful. Etc. So, I’m used to acting alone in opposition to an entrenched and widespread belief system. However, in the last few years we have interacted with other unschoolers IRL and I’ve found them to be wonderful friends and a truly fabulous support system. They help to lighten the burden of carrying all that [stuff] alone. I was used to carrying a lotta [stuff] alone but it’s sure nice to be able to drop some of that load with a little help from my friends.

DoLifeRight: What resources do you use for your children’s “educations?” Feel free to comment on the word “education.”

Frank: Ah, you’ve been burned by unschoolers before! While some would argue that debating the word “education” is mere semantics, I’d counter that, at root, all language is mere semantics. In a sense, this is the core differentiation between unschooling and all other forms of educational philosophy. Therefore, it is significant and worthy of discussion.

Let’s use some of that classical education I suffered through as a child. We get our word “educate” from the Latin verb “educo” which does literally mean “to educate” but the root implication is “to lead” or “to draw out from.” Caesar ducos his troops; a teacher educos his students. I dislike the parallel, especially because I find it painfully accurate. This is most obvious in the Elenctic method popularized by Socrates. The teacher leads the student to the conclusion the teacher wants the student to accept by drawing the student out with a series of structured (leading) questions. It seems like the student is engaged in a meaningful intellectual exercise but it is, in fact, carefully choreographed and completely controlled by the teacher.

This is precisely what happens in “education” or “teaching,” the other word unschoolers dislike. It is not genuine. It is not honest. It is not really “learning.”

Empire-period Romans knew the difference two millennia ago. Dum spiro, disco. While I’m alive, I’m learning. Disco not educo. And one I like: Nemo nisi per amicitiam cognoscitur. Nobody understands anything unless they like what they’re studying. Cognosco not educo. “To know,” “to understand (for yourself),” not “to be led (to someone else’s opinion).”

As I said in my opening paragraph, for me the core difference between unschooling and all other educational philosophies is freedom vs. coercion. Disco and cognosco vs. educo.

(E)duco is fine for military troops or slaves or domesticated animals. I find it inappropriate for thoughtful human beings. And that’s why *I* don’t like the word “education.” YMMV.

We are discoing every moment we’re alive and we’re cognoscoing things we find attractive or interesting (per amicitiam). If you wanna educo me, you’d better bring some Marines cuz I ain’t getting dragged somewhere I don’t wanna go without a fight.

DoLifeRight: How did your friends and families react when you told them your children wouldn’t be going to school? Have their opinions changed over the years?

Frank: Snicker. The usual shock and horror. Superficially, they’ve changed but I believe that’s mostly an artifact of the reality that they’re tired of picking at us.

DoLifeRight: What have been the benefits (unexpected and expected) to homeschooling?

Frank: Time together. Getting to know each other. Having fun and growing together. Having wonderful adventures. Missing that whole teenage-rebellion experience because we respect each other.

DoLifeRight: How does your family make money? Do you have a job? Full-time or part-time or something in between? Can you tell us about your choices and how you made these decisions?

Frank: Our story goes something like this: In the late 80s and early 90s, Ronnie and I were both employees of Microsoft Corp., making pretty darned good money and accumulating some nice stock options. When she had our first daughter, MJ, in 92, she quit work, giving up those potentially valuable stock options and eliminating one full salary from our family income. However, when we married, we said “family first” and we meant it. I like money but I love my family. Chloe followed soon after and as she approached her first birthday we had a long discussion about “family comes first” because *I* was not happy being a workforce-intensive dad; I was interested in being more of a real dad. After looking at our family budget and life philosophy, I, too, quit working in 95, when Chloe was a bit more than a year old.

We traded full-time employment for part-time consulting work and guaranteed that we’d never be rich. However, it gave us a full, rich family life, with loads of time to be together. For us, for me, that was a worthwhile tradeoff and an easy decision. For many (most?), it’s a scary, even stupid, decision. De gustibus non disputandum.

We have, however, because we are not working and/or attending school for most of the calendar, taken several multi-month roadtrips around the US. In 2005, we lived on our sailboat and experienced hurricanes Katrina, Rita (rode her out at anchor in a bayou near New Orleans. Phew!), and Wilma (in the Florida Keys). We sailed multi-day ocean crossings, with no land in sight and only occasional pods of porpoises for company. We “studied” marine biology by snorkelling on tropical reefs. Last year in the Fall we spent more than a month in Europe, standing at the first milepost of the Appian Way in Rome (That gave me a shiver! I could practically hear Martial reading from his Liber Spectaculorum.), watching glass blowers on the island of Murano in Venice, listening to traditional music in an Irish pub (Yes, they let our teenage girls in, although they didn’t serve them liquor. The girls had sodas while Ronnie chewed some Guinness and I sipped some Jameson Irish whiskey.), etc. MJ and Chloe spent two weeks around New Year’s with friends in the San Francisco Bay area. In April, Chloe spent a couple of weeks visiting friends near Atlanta. In May, we all spent a week at an unschooling conference near Portland, Oregon. In June, we attended a campout/gathering in British Columbia. In September, we’ll be at an unschooling conference in San Diego. Blah, blah, blah.

Time is the gift more precious than gold. It must be spent wisely or it’s wasted and it cannot be regained. We’ve chosen to spend our time together, having adventures, living life. It is the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m not a millionaire and never will be but I am the husband of an exquisite woman and the father of two fabulous young women, with whom I’ve had the most exciting, most treasured times/adventures you could imagine. That’s ever so much better than mere money.

DoLifeRight: How have *you* personally grown since you started unschooling/homeschooling your children? How has your relationship with your spouse/partner grown?

Frank: My personal growth is definitely personal to me and not really universally applicable. I was historically a depressed person with a distinct tendency toward anhedonia. Psychiatry helped but experiencing life with my family is what truly cured me. Me being a happy person instead of a depressed lump certainly made my life better and obviously also improved my relationship with my wife and my kids.

DoLifeRight: Are you able to find time to have your own hobbies, interests, and friends? Beyond your children (of course), what are your interests?

Frank: Of course. Children learn by example. Hell, we all learn by example. If I show them, by example, a person who cannot find time to be interested in the universe in general or particular things specifically, what kind of example am I? They may (more likely, will) not be interested in the same things I find interesting. That’s not important. What’s important is that they see that the universe is full of an infinite variety of things which are potentially fabulous and they have the freedom to graze that delicious smorgasbord for their own choice morsels.

As for me, I always say I’m a wannabe Renaissance Man. I’m interested in pretty much everything. Except country music.

DoLifeRight: How do you respond to other people’s questions about the following: completeness of education, socialization, college plans, etc.? Do you give different answers to different people? Why?

Frank: I value my time. Because of that, I have a layered series of responses to queries about what we do. For obviously superficial queries, I simply reply that we’re homeschooling. Most people understand that and that’s all they really wanted to know so we both avoid wasting a lot of time being more specific than either of us really wanted in the first place. If someone is interested beyond that, I’ll ask if they know of Holt. If not, I’ll mention that our kids choose their own learning path and suggest the questioner get some Holt next time they’re at the library. If they’re interested beyond that, it’s time for some adult beverages and snacks to go with a discussion about educational philosophy.

DoLifeRight: If you have more than one child, how do you handle their different interests and desires?

Frank: We have two and we manage to do a pretty complete job of addressing differing interests. When there’s an unavoidable conflict, we have a family discussion and try to work out a plan which is acceptable to everyone. I knew a shrink once who said that a functional family is one in which most of the people get most of what they want most of the time. He was speaking of mainstream families but I still like the realistic nature of that comment. I think we do better than that, mostly because our focus is on following interests, so we work at making things happen.

DoLifeRight: What are the biggest issues you are currently having, or have ever had in regards to parenting and/or homeschooling/unschooling?

Frank: It seems to me that time and money are the single biggest issue in general, and also specifically for unschooling, because they are two side of the same coin. We’ve structured our lives to create lots of time and therefore sometimes we’re shorter on money than we’d like to be. Not a huge or fatal issue but it’s always there.

DoLifeRight: Any regrets? We want to hear the good and the bad! This is the best way to make informed decisions.

Frank: Only regrets are that we didn’t start sooner and that we occasionally fall into our old schoolish, mainstream habits. When we do that, the kids are usually pretty quick to call us on it.

DoLifeRight: Any last thoughts or advice for DoLifeRight’s readers?

Frank: My life path is mine. Yours is yours. I always hesitate to give advice because it’s as likely to be inappropriate as appropriate. I guess my best advice would be to read widely, listen to lots of folks who have experience and knowledge, then distill all that down to something you can use for yourself and your family.

DoLifeRight: For more information on Frank and his family, check out his blog: http://www.pvmaro.blogspot.com/

Related Articles:

• Be Questioned: 20 Questions for Unschoolers
• What is this thing called UNSCHOOLING? What are unschoolers like?
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Candy from Atlanta, GA, USA
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Kate from WA, USA
• 20 Unschooling Questions: Sara from WA, USA

By: Lisa